Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Peeking out the other side

I've written a couple entries and not posted - and a good half dozen more in my head without touching fingers to keyboard.  Everyone of them has been variations on 'omg, I hurt so bad, I'm dying, ack!'  some with an air of apology for not writing, some with a defiant 'this sucks' tone, some sung to the tune of "Nobody Knows the Trouble I've Seen".   Yes, my friends, my nemesis Rheumatoid Arthritis has been for a visit, leaving me a nice flare gift.

Now, weirdly, in spite of quite literally not being able to stand or sit or lay down without vocalizing, it has otherwise been a lovely few weeks.  Last weekend, especially, when I was deep in the grip of it, Michael and I headed out to Orange, Virginia to stay at an absolutely lovely B&B called Holladay House, run by an old friend of his.  We'd put in reservations well before things got bad for me, and while it created some challenges, it was still so much fun.  I was very worried that my issues were going to ruin it for him... but he's such a good and wonderful patient man.  (I also snagged an amaaaazing recipe for Creme Brulee French Toast we'll be trying soon...mm!)

RA is tough when it keeps you from doing what you have to do.  It can be mortifying to ask for help for very simple things like standing up or brushing your hair or putting on your shirt.   But it is absolutely exasperating and infuriating when it keeps you from doing what you very much want to do.

Today I'm feeling a bit better - standing up generates a little grunt, not a scream.  I'm able to type this without wincing.  My elbows have stopped feeling hot and swollen and can touch the arm of the chair without making me cry.  My hips still feel like rusty hinges, but I think things are coming along - hopefully for awhile, because this right now is my very favorite time of year and I want to experience it and enjoy it.

I am considering the possibility that I may not be able to stitch my way through Christmas presents this year, and that makes me sad, but when you can't even make a fist, holding a needle is a little hard.  We'll see, but I think I'm going to need to let myself off the hook for awhile and trust that family will understand.

Meanwhile, I'm going to let my fingers rest awhile, then see about getting a few neglected household things done.  I have a few recipes - some with pictures! - that I want to share here.

Please know that if I go silent it isn't lack of interest - it's just weather and chronic illness kicking my butt, and not wanting to focus too much of this space to moaning about it. (I am not saying I shouldn't moan, just that this is not where I want to do it.)  But I miss you all and so hope to pick up energy soon.

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